Tuesday, November 6, 2012

FEAR - I am OK with it

Because of the several reasons, we often hide(from outer world and also from our own self) many a emotions and feelings in us. One such feeling is 'fear', which is often loathed. Usually, when it appears, we immediately detests it.
Being a human, getting scared, feeling the fear is natural.It proves to me that I am a human being and not a brutal animal, a psycho or an imbalanced person.
There are different varieties of fear which are borne within us. These can be put into three categories:
1. Really contextual and are not hampering our day-to-day life.
2. Really contextual and are hampering our day-to-day life.
3. Hidden cause due to some past experience, which is even out of our consciousness.

Here I am mainly addressing the fears of type #1 and #2.

1. Really contextual and are not hampering our day-to-day life:  Let me get into an example directly. Recently, I relocated to London. I didn't had an apartment to stay, no bank account; The system and people are new to me, have to run around with my passport everywhere(you know how dangerous it is to lose it), its winter here and not many people are outside. Logically, I needn't to worry for all these things as I was on my company's deputation. Company would take care of me, if in case anything goes wrong. Moreover, there are many Indians over here. And hence, I do have a security built around me. In spite of all these, like a new born baby, though in safe hands, I did get scared, I felt the fear.
Now, if we analyse this scenario, isn't this natural for me, as a human being, as a social animal to feel this fear? Had there been someone else in my place, won't he/she would have felt the same? I am sure, he/she would have.  Moreover, it also confirmed me that I am psychologically healthy. Neither did I act much on it, nor did I try to reason it out to myself.  I just accepted it and left it. And the fear didn't disturb me anymore, though its still with me.
So, just accepting it as-it-is removed the grip of fear over me.

2. Really contextual and are hampering our day-to-day life: Just accepting the fear and leaving it as it is doesn't work ALWAYS. Many a times, the fear imbalances our life and hampers the day-to-day life. Such a kind of fear definitely have to be worked out or addressed.
Usually, we fear something over which we don't have control  - it can be some person, some event. For ex: losing the passport, becoming victim of a disaster and losing a body part, property etc., interview, exam, competition, answering my manager. One simple solution for such a fear is: UNDERSTANDING the CONSEQUENCES of the event, of which we are scared of, would release the grip of the fear upon us.
Let us consider an ex: I am having exams tomorrow and I am scared, though I have prepared. What are the CONSEQUENCES: First of all, I have prepared well. Say, I have covered 80% of syllabus and couldn't read 20%.
If the questions are from the 80% of the syllabus, I am confident that I can answer. If the questions are from the 20% of the syllabus, then I might not be able to answer all. However, logically, not all the questions would be from 20% of the syllabus. There may be some portion of questions from the 80% of syllabus too. So, I might not be able to score 90/100, but, should be able to make it up to 60 to 65/100. And if I get 60 or 65, I might lose my overall score and go down in ranking. 'coz of this, I might miss out some good college or interview options and so-on; ( Understandably, it is not in this last moment should I be worried of ranking and losing of job/good college opportunities. These should have come back quite earlier. )
In the above example, I moved from the state of - "How will be tomorrows exam paper be?" to "X, Y, Z possibly would happen in tomorrow's exam paper". The CONSEQUENCES are pretty clear to me. The movement from "How will" to "X,Y,Z possibly would" have  moved the whole thoughts in me from "uncertainty, unknown" to "most probable, known" things. Expecting certainty, a secure feeling, is fundamental to a human being's psychological formation and that's where I have moved my fears to. The fear still persists in me. But, it has lost the strong grip on me and has stopped hampering my day-to-day life. The awareness of the probable consequences, have made me accept it. I feel - I am OK with the fear.

3. Hidden cause due to some past experience, which is even out of our consciousness: There are varieties of these fears and this in itself is a big subject. When the fear which we are feeling is way out of balance w.r.t the reason for which we are feeling then it is surely due to some hidden cause of past experience. Consider the previous example of being in a new place. If I can't consume food, can't sleep, get quite nervous to just go out and meet some one, 'coz I am in a new place then it is an indicator of fear being quite out of balance. Or in the case of exam, if I feel like committing suicide or start getting fever or feeling sick then it also is an indicator of fear being out of balance and control. These things would need to be addressed from an experience counselor.

Are there any fears you're facing  and are working on? Would you mind sharing with me or over here? Did the solution proposed here works out?
Appreciate your thoughts and comments.

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